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Schizophrenia by mindsheisse Schizophrenia by mindsheisse
What I feel like when I'm having an attack. I don't know what to do, it feels like my brain is being ripped in half, and the voices I hear are tearing me apart like rabid beasts. I keep crying for help from people around me, but they either don't hear, or refuse to listen, or just call me a whiny attention whore.

Schizophrenia isn't a cry for attention, it's a serious disease with a serious impact on the people afflicted by it. I'm intensely paranoid, and despite what many people think, antisocial. Cosplaying and going to cons have been helping with that, but afterwards, its just bleh.

Before you guys tell me to get help or medication, I already am on it. I just have no family/friend support. The friends I did have refused to understand or let me explain what was happening, and just labelled me a rancid bitch. (fuck you furcadia)

Not only that, but those who I thought of as family violently turned on me, and when I mean violently I mean, lead me on to trust them, then ripped it away and laughed in my face about it. Oh boy did that piss me off. Either way...


This is my portrayal of the disease. Say what you will of it. This isn't meant to be anyone else's portrayal but mine.
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:iconraphaeladeathenas:
RaphaelaDeAthenas Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2013
People are always able to refuse our disease. I am borderline paranoid but the only person who trust on my painfull problems is my mom. Sometimes I feel like being attacked by my own thoughts. But differently, the thoughts are screaming so loud and they canīt get ou of my head, that cause me a lot of pain.
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:icongrasblade:
Grasblade Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2012
I see a teenager, he told me his name is Heeta. He appeared about a week ago with 3 others. I have not seen the others, but I hear them. I love Heeta. Kndont want to tell my parents beacause they will take him from me. He fallows me around and is a true friend. I tried to draw him. The others got angry at me and now they are pounding my head. I know its them beacause I feel it in three spots.
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:iconvoodoo-chic:
Voodoo-Chic Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012
I feel bad for the people who dissed you like that you seem like a very nice person and I feel like you deserve better :) btw wonderful picture
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:iconladyphoenixfire:
LadyPhoenixFire Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2011
Hey lil brother.....OMG.....the emotion captured is unbelievable. I hope you are doing okay and i do miss you.
Reply
:iconchangelingprince:
ChangelingPrince Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
I may or may not have schizophrenia, but I understand the picture in every aspect. I have anger fits, really badly I might add, and when I'm at my worse, it feels like everyone is out to get me and I lash out at everyone around me. Mainly my girlfriend... And I don't mean to. At times, I can control it, but others, I just explode without warning. I've thought about the possibility of being bipolar, but I'd like to be able to see a specialist to know. :/ In any sense, what I'm trying to say is that even though I've only been your friend for a short while, and we need to text eachother more, I'll never leave you behind for something you cannot help or do not mean.
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:iconmindsheisse:
mindsheisse Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2011
I have the same peoblem. I just explode and become dxtremely paranoid. I'd definitely see someone though, it could very well be that you are bipolar. And yes. We must text more. My phone is just a turd >=|
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:iconchangelingprince:
ChangelingPrince Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah, I'd be more than happy to obtain help from a doctor, alas I have no insurance and I'm feckin' po'. Well tell it to stop bein' a turd! D:<
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:iconchibiariane:
ChibiAriane Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2011
I really like this, pure emotions in one picture and you showed very well what it feels like. Very, very well. I love the wild outlines, they add perfectly to the mood.
I'm so sorry that your family turned against you and that your friends have been such morons. :( Medication sure is helpful but if you have no one who supports you or even TRIES to understand what you're going through... awful.
I'm not schizophrenic or at least that's what they tell me, my disease has a different name, still I know very well how you feel. We just have to keep going, huh? Sounds easy... But I wish you all the best and I'm happy that you found some reassurance in cosplaying! :)
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:iconstarsofcassiopeia:
StarsOfCASSiOPEiA Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2011  Student General Artist
The emotion in this piece is definitely strong, and it's easy to see what you're feeling as a result of this. :hug:
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:iconxashes-cursiveeye:
Xashes-cursiveeye Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I have a question:
What classifies a person as a schitzophrenic?
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:iconmindsheisse:
mindsheisse Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2011
I was classified by my doctor. I don't really know what to say other than you hear and see things. Not necessarily making you harm you or other people, but in my case that was what it was. I dunno... I don't really claim to be an expert.
Reply
:iconxashes-cursiveeye:
Xashes-cursiveeye Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I have suspicions that I might be, but I have no doctor to confirm or deny.
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:iconmindsheisse:
mindsheisse Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2011
The only thing that I could suggest, that if you suspect something isn't right (and believe me, this is not what I wanted either, I had to be dragged kicking and screaming), check yourself into a hospital. It's what I did and it helped out a lot. It isn't nearly as scary as the movies and stuff portray it to be.
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:iconxashes-cursiveeye:
Xashes-cursiveeye Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
It's not a hospital that I'm scared of, it's what my parents will think.
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:iconmindsheisse:
mindsheisse Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2011
I know that feeling x.x My parents pretty much stopped talking to me like I was an adult. They started treating me like I was two.
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:iconxashes-cursiveeye:
Xashes-cursiveeye Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
My parents would stop talking to me all together.
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:iconmindsheisse:
mindsheisse Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2011
Ugh, that's not very supportive at all. The only reason why I'm through the disease is because I had at least a few people (even if they were online) Helping me through it. And I'm more than certain the Hospital would fix that up real quick. They knocked some sense into my mom at least.
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(1 Reply)
:iconcommodorealex:
CommodoreAlex Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2011
I'm terribly sorry for you, but, an apology from someone on the internet won't do much, will it? Great drawing however!
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:iconumbrella-girl1995:
Umbrella-girl1995 Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2011  Student General Artist
QAQ You poor thing!!!! :iconarmstrongtighthugplz: I get get what you mean...
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:iconmindsheisse:
mindsheisse Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2011
Oh god jesus! -is strangled- And thank you ^^ It's nice, and comforting, to know that people do understand.
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:iconumbrella-girl1995:
Umbrella-girl1995 Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2011  Student General Artist
^w^; Oopsies... *lets go* Ya, I have depression, thou a mild case, whenever I get really depressed, I feel like there's no hope and my body is biting itself to shreds.
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:iconmindsheisse:
mindsheisse Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2011
I know that feeling. But see when I get depressed, I end up throwing myself into a panic attack. The room gets smaller and I forget how to breath (sometimes quite literally x:) I really probably should get out of the 'not breathing' habit though XD.

But thankfully that hasn't happened in a little while.
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:iconumbrella-girl1995:
Umbrella-girl1995 Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2011  Student General Artist
!!!! Oh my... Well! Look on the brightside! At least you made a new friend!
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:icongia-chan:
Gia-Chan Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
*offers hug and friendship since we both live relatively in the same place*

My one friend has Schizoaffective bipolar type 1. I've heard him describe the horrors he goes through. I'm affected by Bipolar disorder, and while I know the two aren't alike, I'm here to listen. :3

On another note, the picture is wonderfully dark. You gave such an amazing insight. <3
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:iconmindsheisse:
mindsheisse Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2011
Aww D: -hugs- Bipolar disorder sucks too x.x It's ANOTHER disease I have that is affected by Schizophrenia, which in my eyes makes it A LOT worse. -huggles tight-
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:icongia-chan:
Gia-Chan Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I bet.

Where exactly in PA are you? If I'm talking to the right person, your sister worked at Q-Mart...

Either that or I'm losing my memory too Dx
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:iconmindsheisse:
mindsheisse Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2011
I live in Bristol now, But yes, you're who you think I am... I think I worded that right...
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:icongia-chan:
Gia-Chan Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I believe you did also. :3 I'm in Allentown hahaha

Lovely getting to know you...your are is wicked as well.
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:iconkaelynna:
Kaelynna Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
This drawing is very well done. I got what you were going for before I read the description, although having the name of the disease to go with it helped.

As for the disease itself...it's very real, and I know that, as with any disease, medication can only help so far. I'm sorry you don't have a better support system.
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:iconmindsheisse:
mindsheisse Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2011
Thanks, that's what I wanted, for people to look at it and go 'Oh it's like this' And thank you, the medicine does help, the problem is everyone that I trusted got chased away BEFORE the medication came.
Reply
:iconkaelynna:
Kaelynna Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I know how that is. Not with THAT disease, but with others.
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:iconmindsheisse:
mindsheisse Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2011
Understandable. No one has to have the same disease to know what feeling trapped feels like. Problem is with me, when I feel trapped, I lashed out like a cornered dog x.x I've gotten out of that habit though.
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:iconkaelynna:
Kaelynna Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
aww I'm sorry hon
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